


A Very Timely Demise

by Engineseer01



Category: Blackadder, Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types, Multi-Fandom
Genre: Comedy, Dark Magic, Gen, Humor, Magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 16:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18720475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Engineseer01/pseuds/Engineseer01
Summary: A story of arcane competence in the face of a dimensional mix-up, base incompetence, and the very essence of "Baldrick-ness".





	1. A Very Timely Demise

Normally I write roleplay campaigns, but after so long of reading everyone else's writing, I felt like I should post something so I'm not just leeching. The story is going to be a DnD(Forgotten Realms/Sigil)/Multi-cross where the main character will be moving from plane to plane.

So without further adieu, lets get on with the story shall we.

\-------------------------------------------------------------  
IN PELOR'S NAME! WHAT IS THIS BREAK!  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

Before us we see what seems to be a picturesque scene; a long sheltered valley full of lush fields, green groves, and well maintained villages. But there is one thing out of place in this almost but not quite perfect picture. 

At the very north end of the valley, sitting right in front of the only entrance to the valley not bordered by knife's edge cliffs and mountains, is a dark rather spiky castle that seems to be in the midst of imploding into itself. The black spinnerets crumble and crash to the ground followed by a bell tower with a dull clanking sound; the walls crack and almost seem to age as you watch them break. Above all this a haze of black dust fills the air from the destruction.

The dust that had risen from the castles falling almost seemed to hang in the air as the sun rises and the peasants before the keep cheer. Why do they cheer at the castle's fall you ask? Because it meant that the sorceress who had controlled the kingdom with her foul magics was dead and gone, hopefully never to return again. (Evil has a marked tendency to do that, you know)  
For much the same reason the heroes standing in front of the peasants cheered, and thrust their swords up to meet the sunrise in exaltation. The hope that the sorceress had left behind valuables in her demise had nothing whatsoever to do with the heroes cheer, or with the glint of gold-fever in their eyes.

The only hero who did not cheer was a simple wizard's apprentice who could not shake the feeling that something was wrong from his befuddled head. “Hadn't there been two people by the throne in the castle,” he kept asking himself. “But why can't I remember the second person?”

Hearing this, a simply dressed young peasant girl turned to him and smiled, "Because I forgot to wipe your memories all the way, of course."  
The young man's face turned pale as he remembered the battle, and remembered the young child who seemed to know more magic then even his master. Before he could do more than gasp the young child had grabbed his hand and quickly knocked him unconscious with a quick sleep spell.

The young apprentice would not remember much of that day, but the story is not about him now is it? Very thankfully not, as he led a most dull life and this story needs more pizzazz than he could give it.

\-------------------------------------------------------------  
IN PELOR'S NAME! WHAT IS THIS BREAK!  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

We now find ourselves hovering high above the rather dirty dirt road that leads out of the valley, looking down upon the aforementioned sweet young child from earlier. Her dress had become very dusty from a long day of walking, and her language had become much more vile than that as the day progressed. “Why couldn't those goat-fucking heroes just leave me alone, I had the entire valley under my spell and I was this close to moving against....”

“Mistress, you were obviously defeated before your time, but don't you think that you might want to move a little faster? And maybe get off of the road?” an oily voice interjected from her shadow, as two small yellow eyes glittered up at her.

“And why would I want to do that, you incessantly annoying speck of shadow”, she said while stomping even harder down the dusty road. “Because, oh great and wise mistress, there is a procession of paladins coming into the valley that it might be a good idea to avoid.” “OH SHIT! Pelor fuck me running!”, this was snarled as the young lady in the dusty clothes spun and threw herself into a very conveniently placed series of bushes off the side of the dusty road and proceeded to run as far from the road as she could.

Several rather tense minutes later.....

“Familiar! Go see if I lost them!” “Your will be done, oh great and wise mistress.”, the oily voice from before said as the girl's shadow disconnected from her and spread out until it was 10 feet tall then moved away from her with a soft slithery sound.

“Why in all the god's names did I have to have a familiar that talks like that, I swear I'm the only sane one here sometimes.” Much complaining was heard as the young lady from before plucked small branches and leaves from her rather long frizzy brown hair. “This will take forever to get rid of!”

“Mistress” “Ah!” Several seconds of quiet followed before the young ladies head poked out of the bush that had been in front of her, “How many times do I have to tell you not to do that, you fucking mentally challenged shadow!” “482 times thus far, mistress” The sound that slipped from the young ladies mouth was something halfway between a snarl and a quiet growl. “Well, have we lost them? Or are those Pelor damned paladins still following us.” “Oh, yes mistress. We lost them, they told me themselves.” “What.” “Oh yes, I had the cunning plan to disguise myself as a shadow bush, and ask them if they had lost the trail to my mistress. Pure brilliance it twas.”

Several more seconds of silence followed this statement as every brain cell that the young dark mistress before us had began to cry out and die, in a matter reminiscent of the destruction of some stupid place called Alderaan, seriously who names a place that?

“Baldrick, my wonderful familiar of shadow, did you just say that you ASKED them if they had lost my trail.....and how did you refer to me when you did?”, slowly asked the great and wise mistress sitting in a bush in shock. “Oh yes, mistress I just asked them, it was so cunning! And how did I refer to you? I simply called you by your name and greatest title.....”, Baldrick the shadow familiar let his oily voice peter out slowly near the end as he realized that maybe that wasn't a cunning plan.

FWOOSH!

The sound and feeling of holy magic being used nearby made both Baldrick and mistress shudder in disgust as a large beacon of holy energy speared up into the sky over by where the road was. “Baldrick, if you had guts I would use them for garters, and if you had brains I would feed them to my enemies because then they would be as stupid as you.”


	2. The Palace of Loss

“34 paladins..........34 paladins..........Baldrick, what made it seem like a good idea to charge at the group of 34 paladins that had been chasing us for days and had cornered us?!?!” Liz heard her shrieking voice echo around the empty bleak tower room around her and her familiar. Thank Shar, that her mistress had been willing to take her in as she had nothing with which to pay for housing......well, anywhere in the Shadow Plane anyways. And roughing it would not have cut it, nope, not going to happen. Not on the Shadow Plane, that could be deadly; even for her.

The sound of her familiar clearing his non-existent throat brought her mind back to the present, here in this small side room of her goddesses Palace of Loss.

“Well, Baldrick?” “Mistress, there we were, cornered and almost trapped, and I had a cunning plan!” “Oh Goddess” “I thought to myself that I would throw myself onto them and make myself more shapely looking and maybe they, being paladin types, would be distracted by my suddenly developed curves, and....” “Shut-up, Shut-up, Shut-up.........you are a 9 foot tall shadow elemental that drains the heat from things with a touch, you are about as desirable as a cantaloupe; never try to seduce anything ever again or so help me I will have you flogged with a sunbeam.”

“Now be silent for the next 24 hours Baldrick, or there WILL be sunlight in your near future.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------  
IN SHAR'S NAME! WHAT IS THIS BREAK!  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

As Liz stepped out from the room temporarily granted to her she knew it was time for payment to be rendered, as it always was with her goddess; very dependable goddess that way, Shar.

Her small boots clicked down the hallway as she walked past various tapestries hidden in dark alcoves, some of which depicted various hidden or lost treasures, others forgotten memories which could have saved civilizations. And above it all gracefully dark vaulted ceilings limned in blue ghost light chandeliers added just the right touch of gothic decadence to everything.

“I am glad you think so.” Shiver and gulp barely repressed as she had known what was coming, Liz fumblingly replied, “I always take the time to admire the decor every time I come here, it makes me think I should visit more often.”

 

“Child, one of my champions you may be, but leave to lie to me that does not give you, besides which I find it boring as of late as well. I have been thinking of crafting my own plane.”

Feeling a little more sure of herself, though never quite sure where exactly her goddess was during these talks Liz responded carefully, “An ambitious undertaking, does this mean we will be entering into more direct conflict with the forces of Selune and Mystra, Goddess?”

A dark, tortured and yet sensual laugh twisted its way out of the shadows around her making her step just a little faster, “Oh no, and we will have you to thank for it. Without you, I would have to ally myself with Cyric of all beings to complete my new home.”

“What do you need me to do Master?” 'Please let me leave Baldrick behind, PLEASE let me Baldrick behind'

“Just go back into your room, go to sleep and unleash that wonderful fate undoing chaos you and your familiar are so good at creating.”

“As you wish, Mistress.” As her words of acceptance echoed throughout the hallways around her a quite hissing sound drew her attention to her right, where a few wisps of shadow were drawing back from the door back into her room.

Entering she saw the room much as she had left it, a quite cold room, with little comfort to offer beyond the large four poster wooden bed heaped with black bear pelt quilts and the now roaring fire.

The large plate of sweet-meats, cheeses, breads, and other small foods drew her to the fireside and to the soft chair that melted from the shadows at the wave of her hand. Glancing around she even saw Baldrick appearing somewhat relaxed, under the bed, lightly snoring.

“Well, I won't know where she is going to dump me this time until I wake up, so I better eat some of this and store some of it.” Liz began mumbling to herself as she considered exactly what she might need beyond the clothes on her back and *grumble* Baldrick.

This was, by far, not the first time that her goddess had given her vague instructions and simply dumped her somewhere. At this point she was getting used to it and it was becoming rather the norm...which was a frightening thought indeed.

Shaking her head Elizabeth turned to the tray of food. “I will eat this, this, this, and this sweet-meat tonight and the rest of this is going in my shadow.” As she began eating she thought about weapons and gear, maybe it was time to start picking some up? Perhaps during this job she might find something interesting.

Or... maybe she could get a new dress?

.....as she drifted off and felt Shar's shadow began to pull her loose from the Shadow Plane she had a sudden niggling thought, was she forgetting something?


	3. Info-Dump 1: Character Writeups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As an incentive to myself, and to get me back in the mood to write, I have written up Elizabeth's stats using the Fate Core RPG system and a rough draft for Dnd 3.5E.

Yes, I know that she is pretty high level, but at the same time she has no resources other than her magic and familiar, and she is trying to hide and find a place to start over; hopefully a place without mobs and pitchforks. :lol:

 

Elizabeth, Great and Young Mistress of Shadowy Power  
Aspects:  
Smol Human Girl of Cuteness  
Favoured Devotee of the Goddess Shar  
My Shadow is Alive, 9 feet tall, and very Baldrick  
My wit is as sharp as a...very sharp thing  
Skills:  
Fantastic (+6) Deceive and Spellcraft  
Superb (+5) Shoot and Lore  
Great (+4) Resources and Will  
Good (+3) Contacts and Notice  
Fair (+2) Crafts and Stealth  
Average (+1) Burglary and Physique  
Stress: 3 physical boxes, 4 mental boxes  
Stunts:  
Arcane Adept - Can use Spellcraft to manipulate arcane power and cast spells.  
Trained Illusionist - The caster can create an advantage to declare situation aspects that only seem real, and to affect the senses of other characters and NPCs.   
Link to the Shadow Weave - The caster is linked to the Shadow Weave and can infuse her illusion magic with shadow plane material, making her illusions real. This allows her to emulate other types of magic as well.

 

Name: The Great Mistress of Shadow, Elizabeth “Last Name Unknown”  
Race: Human  
Deity: Shar  
Class: Focused Illusionist 5/Shadowcraft Mage 10/Shadowcrafter 4/Shadow Adept 1  
Size/Speed: Small/20ft  
Attributes: Str 10, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 19, Wis 13, Cha 18  
Feats: Scribe Scroll(b), Shadow Familiar, Shadow Weave Magic(b), Spell Focus(illusion), Heighten Spell, Earth Spell, Improved Familiar(Shadow Elemental), Greater Spell Focus(illusion), Insidious Magic(b), Pernicious Magic(b), Tenacious Magic(b), and Enhanced Shadow Reality.  
Gear: Spellbook, peasant clothing.

With her knowledge of spellcraft and shadow magic she can mimic pretty much any conjuration or evocation spell she wants to, giving her a huge amount of flexibility.

EDIT: As a side-note, I am using the d20 modern rules for children characters which give them   
-3 Str, -1 Dex, -3 Con, -1 Int, -1 Wis, -1 Cha.


	4. Interlude 1: What in Pelor's name was that?!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is an interlude from the point of the paladins Elizabeth ran into previously.

Most days being a Paladin of Pelor, caps included, was a very wonderful profession; as was being an Aumarr Captain in the City Guard of the great city of Waterdeep.

This was not most days. This was, in fact, a very off day.

Captain Ardreth was pretty sure that he was cursed in fact, probably by that wrinkled old hag back in the village he had gone through a few days back... maybe he insulted Tymora on accident? Musing to himelf, he wondered what a good sacrifice to Tymora would be.

The reason that the Captain thought he was cursed was because of the events of the last hour.

It was possibly the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him or his personal guard squad of paladin trainees.

It started with the bush by the side of the Tradeway that could talk, and acted like it was possessed by the spirit of a rather noble but stupid orc.

The bush accidentally gave them directions to someone it described as, and he was quoting the damn thing: Elizabeth, the Great and Foul Mistress of Shadows. The same Elizabeth who had lorded over the same village they had just passed through, the same dark lady who was supposed to be quite rather deceased.

This lead to him calling upon Pelor for a Holy Beacon and leading his guard squad off the Tradeway and after her.

Which, while in hindsight, the beacon might have been a good idea, they should never have left the road. Not this close to the Trollshaws. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------  
IN TYMORA'S NAME! WHAT IS THIS BREAK!  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

The chase after the foul sorceress started off great; the wind in their hair, their mounts pounding the earth under them.

Then the trail started leading towards the Trollshaws, which made them slow down a bit to avoid sink-holes and quicksand.

The group of guards knew something was really wrong when they caught sight of their quarry. 

But how could they know it would go as tits up as it did?

"Captain! Its a child! And its being held captive by a shadow creature! I will save her!"

"Captain! The child is using dark magic!"

"Captain! The shadow creature is eating Gregory's face!"

"TROLLS!"

"Captain! The trolls just got eaten by the Shadow Beast! Oh Pelor, they are shadow creatures now!"

"Have at thee!"

"CAPTAIN! ITS TRYING TO SEDUCE US!"

"BALDRICK!"

"PROTECT YOUR VIRTUE MEN!"

Really, in hindsight, Captain Ardreth was pretty sure he should not have left the road. Or perhaps he should start testing the intelligence of his recruits instead? Maybe recruit a mage or two?

He heard that the village of Westbridge had land for sale... maybe it was time to retire...

\-------------------------------------------------------------  
IN TYMORA'S NAME! WHAT IS THIS BREAK!  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

"Alright men, listen up! We never found any sorceress, we didn't hear of any sorceress. We killed a few trolls but otherwise it was an uneventful day."

"But thats not what happened..."

"DO YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN TO THE MAJOR THAT 34 PALADINS OF PELOR COULDN'T CATCH ONE MEASLY DARK SORCERESS AND HER PET ABOMINATION?!?"

"No sir..."

"Then that is what BLOODY WELL HAPPENED. We certainly did not got led astray by a talking bush and ambushed by what might possibly be the creepiest child I have ever seen."

"Yes, sir."

"And men? I think its time we start paying attention when command tells us we need training in tactics."

"Yes, sir..."


End file.
